Lily 's cogitatio salvare reflection saver
by A.P.A.17
Summary: This is a one-shot exploring the relationship between Severus Snape and Hermione Granger. It focuses mainly on Snape view of Hermione in comparison to Lily and later as her own.


**THIS IS JUST A SMALL ONESHOT THAT I NEEDE TO WRITE TO CLEAR MY HEAD. IT WAS SERIOUSLY CLUTTERING MY MENTAL LIBRARY BUT I HOPE YOU WILL FIND IT LESS CLUTTERING AND MORE ENJOYABLE.**

**SIDE NOTE: I STILL HOLD NO CLAIM TO THE WORLD OF HARRY POTTER.**

* * *

Snape had always despised his job as the mere potion master of Hogwarts. A class that was never given value for its intricacies nor did it allow him leniency in class as any explosion or slight misstep could cause inexplicable damage. The worst of all (and maybe the best) were the children. Those babbling babies with no backbone could never achieve anything. He had not met one first year in his years of teaching to have shown true mastery of the subject. An arguing talent and finesse at his subject without the prior private lesson from potion master given to some heir of the old family. But those with trained aptitudes were still not the natural talent, he searches for or rather yearns to teach. A natural talent that was not forged out of brute force and rote learning of the book. But a young talent such as Lily. She, of course, learnt her books but she had a connection to magic. The way she handled potion ingredients in school on her first lesson of potion to made a boil potion was as if watching a professional head ballerina execute a flawless piece.

* * *

That is until the year 1991 when she arrived. The reflection if a bit distorted of Lily's talent in the form of Hermione Jane Granger. At first, Snape had classified her as one of the rote learning overeager lacking in confidence muggle-born that should never be compared to Lily. Her book to the paper fact was obvious but something that you did not see at first glance was hidden in this girl. Snape could feel it deep in his bone. And then he saw it. The girl connection with magic. She was determined definitely in getting the potion right but there was no forced rigidness in her action but rather a flow, grace and even ease if he would say so in the way she went through the motion of potion-making. She did not need to glance at the blackboard or her notes once during the whole process and was even able to stop Crabbe that was beside her from causing a cauldron explosion. In those brief moment, he could have sworn that Lily was there present in all that is flesh and blood breathing the same air as him. And he found himself at peace for the first time in years. A peace that was crushed by the explosion of something…a cauldron next to Harry Potter of course. The one he had wished to have the finesse of Lily. To have the demanded talent. But next to Granger he was an utter disappointment. A raging mess compared to her performance. And in this brief moment, he had the most hatred encompassed in his body than he ever had in years. He lashed at the boy that had caused the utter disaster and then he yelled at fricking Potter that was supposed to have helped the boy have compassion like his mother.

At the end of the tuition, he knew in the years that would follow he would come to despise the class he would have to teach the year of 1991 the most. In the presence, he would not be able to see Potter as the last of Lily's spirit but he would be proven wrong years later. But his prediction that would an ever-growing admiration of Miss Granger won't be.

* * *

In the years that would follow, a hole will be dug in his heart as a place will be formed solely for Miss Granger. From that first potion lesson to the last time he saw her, she would have by then a permanent place in his heart as well as mind. He would find himself to hate and love aspect of her ever-growing magnanimous personality as she grew up to the woman she was destined to be. He will find her to be warm even human in a way Lily was never to him. Lily was a fierce cold statue person to him with her green emerald eyes whose stare felt like a slash of a cold hard knife to his heart where Granger was an embalming soothing balm on those same wounds with soft warm chocolate dark brown eyes. She was the woman; Lily could never be and a woman that could never equal Lily at the same time.

* * *

He would hate her. Aspects of her character sometimes shining to show how she would never glaringly be Lily or how flawed she was much like her.

Her incapability in communicating with her peers would be insulting. Lily was in a fluid connection with magic as with people. Lily would never be confused or insulting toward emotions felt by other people. But she was disastrous. A cyclone in the classroom, answering question after question without letting other people speak or utter there answer at lightning speed. Raising her hand almost pulling it out of its socket. Not knowing how to help without unconsciously denigrating the person she helped.

And later when she would have learnt the particular skill of reading emotions, he would feel disgusted still by the fact that it was a skill she had to learn. A skill, she learns from friends that were the insufferable Potter and Weasley. Whom she defended as Lily did for James or his friends after they had hurt him. Watching their friendship was like watching Lily make the same mistake again choosing James. But the different dynamics helped in soothing this mistake of Granger.

Other atrocities of her character would be her lack of confidence in her appearance. He could not associate her with Lily in those moments. Making her monstrous. Lily was always vibrant with confidence so much that many would agree that her beauty would light up any room she entered. Her reaction to Malfoy's dig on her front teeth and the hex that followed was something she deserved. Or so he thought at that time. Her weakness made lashing out at her easier. So easy and satisfying. He felt at peace with his lashing out at night when he saw her at the yule ball. She was radiating confidence after having changed her appearance. Her hair covered with sleek easy potion and her teeth cut down to become perfectly straight.

But after that particular year, he would be able to make peace with the atrocities of her character. It would make her more approachable like Lily and not sound respective. She was overall more human. And there were aspects he liked about her personality.

The way she stood to Malfoy or the other goons that were not only from his world mind you that insulted her. Call her pathetic mudblood. When he saw her stand up to those people, he swears he would be seeing Lily in her place. She was a warrior and the fire in her eyes harden the melty chocolate of her eyes into dark black chocolate. She was unflinching and indestructible in those moments. This was the moment in which he was most proud of her. The way she would be able to defend not only herself but Potter and Weasley as well. She did not lie in wait for rescue like a 'demoiselle endetresse'.

But the thing Snape appreciated most was her aptitude to magic. She approached and dealt with magic with a freshness and ease that even Lily could never replicate. She was flawless and in her world. She knew the intricacies of every wand movement and spell enunciation as well as any potion ingredient or cutting technique. Snape agreed wholeheartedly that she was the brightest witch of the school but he could never say that out loud. And she never discriminated anything without trying or seeing proof first. A quality that Lily lack severely coupled with being severely susceptible to the outside influence she wasn't. She tried divination despite the rumour of it only being an easy O.W.L subject used only for a quick pass. And from what he heard lasted almost half of the year. She was only one of the trio or any house that gave the due respect of calling him Professor outside of the class. She knew not to judge as well as knowing to accept apologies or admit albeit with extreme pain that she was wrong. She was able to take the Weasley back into her heart after every insult as well as support Potter temper tantrum.

* * *

But what brought Miss Granger closer to him was in her last year with him. The sixth-year when he called her in his office for a talk. Her essay was still too long and often redundant as such. He remembers this was the day he connected with Miss Granger. As she came into his office and listening no sneer any nothing. And even accepted his apology on calling her out in the class with grace and without showing herself a superior being. She was shocked and, at that precise moment, he could see Lily as if by whatever divine intervention has come back to Earth and accepted his apology that he has been always whispering in his heart for years. He remembers clearly yes very clearly how he then collapses in tears and without saying a word she prepared tea for him. And they just sat there for hours sipping on tea without saying anything. And while leaving she only twirled her wand and produced green hydrangeas that were deposited on his lap. Long after she was gone, he could still smell the lingering smell of the flowers now in a vase and he whispered 'for all you have done especially for harry'. She said thank you in the most subtle way that was dignified enough for him not feel pathetic or see it as only a pat on the head as he felt with Dumbledore.

It was the day; he would write his will and give the headship of the Price family as well as the whole of his research work as well as books. Death was near after all. He could feel it, breathing down his neck but he was not yet quite as enraptured in it as Emily Dickinson was. But he had all he wanted. The man whose wish has never been achieved was now satisfied. He got something he has always wish. A perfect apprentice to receive and the forgiveness he had ached for all those years.

* * *

Hermione Jean Granger was not something he never had or wished for. She was what he wanted. She was the gift from above to all suffering. The one he continued to look after once evaporated. Protecting and guiding. The only one that still visited his grave with a wonderful combination of green and pink hydrangea and red lily. She was her angel on earth as he was hers now. A human warmth or torchlight that had pulled him out to survive so long in the cold that was freezing him from all those years on earth suffering.


End file.
